Name It, Label It, Talk About It
What Comes Next
Some patterns create themselves. For example, I originally chose Wednesday as the day to publish PoeScripts. Now, thirty-five weeks in, it appears that Friday is the best day for that. I did not set out with that intent; originally, I committed to Wednesdays. Sometimes things came up and I’d edge into Thursday. Now, this Friday pattern seems to have set itself and it feels right. And so it is.
This being the Friday after Thanksgiving, I sincerely hope your yesterday brought abundant moments of gratitude into your lives, with many blessings offered and appreciated. Here’s hoping the cornucopia of plenty graced your table and the time with loved ones made merry. Here in New England, at least in the northern most states, many of us had to come up with alternate plans for the day, changing, postponing or abandoning them all together due to a major snow/rain/icing event. I imagine disappointment was served with the turkey in lots of households. Our travel plans to be with brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews and so on were scratched, but replaced with a smaller version of family in our own home with the benefit of staying in comfies all day! No tight fitting, going out in public attire needed. So, however your day panned out, I hope it was filled with good times and good vibes, with enough leftovers to satisfy but not so many as to lose appeal.
Now, the day before Thanksgiving found me at a therapist’s office. On only my third appointment with this provider, she put me to task. She asked me to parse out the whirlwind of emotions I’d been bringing to the table (and to these pages). To assist in that endeavor, she handed me an emotion wheel - which was a crazy quilt of words that created confusion in both my mind and vision. Words blurred and it appeared that the wheel was spinning, as if on an axis rotating around in my mind when in fact I was holding it still. She then asked me what I saw at first glance. I replied, “I didn’t want to see anything at all. The words were just too over stimulating for my eyes and brain to take in. But what I did register were the colors, the circles, the interconnecting lines.” Interestingly, this was my first exposure to the tool developed way back in the ‘80’s by Robert Plutchik, designed to help us identify, understand and better express our emotions. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/commit/202411/the-emotion-wheel
Eventually, I was able to bring the wheel in and out of my line of sight more often and for longer periods of time until I could actually study it, search for the correlations between the words showing in the center of the wheel (the primary emotion words), with the words in each subsequent layer.
“Oh! You want me to label what I’m feeling!” I finally caught the gist of what she was driving at. “More than that, I want you to examine the stories behind the primary emotion words,” she challenged, as if I could unpack all that in the remainder of time in our allotted 45 minutes. My mind stumbled and froze, tried to shift a gear to give it another go only to run into another road block. Mercifully, our time ended; as I left, she queried me, “You seemed to struggle with this session. How do you feel?” Pause. “I did struggle, I did put up resistance, which is absolutely why I need to go home and think about this.” Since then, I’ve been studying the emotion wheel, as if to grow comfortable with the benefits it could bring.
So when a particularly strong emotion raged through my body this morning, I knew I needed to examine it. Before I could even begin to analyze the stories behind the emotion I thought I was feeling, I dug up a seldom used resource I’ve had on my desk since it was published in 2021. Once again, I turned to Brene Brown for information and inspiration in her Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience. Not totally unlike the emotion wheel I was introduced to, this book references eighty-seven emotions to give us the language and tools we need to find meaningful connection within ourselves and with each other.
This was clearly going to take some time I concluded; yet anything worth doing often does. In order to become the best version of myself, I was going to need some introspection and examination into the stories behind why I’m feeling all that I’m feeling. Thank goodness I am on my way to finding the right person, and the resources, needed to help with that herculean task. I’m ready to take responsibility in learning how to map and understand my emotions in order to heal and grow, to become more. Knowing I don’t have to do it alone is reassuring. Knowing, also, that the benefits will continue to serve me as I face life’s changes and challenges, joys and successes reinforces the value of the time and work required.
Earlier today, I happened across an article that was referenced in one of the Substacks that I follow, Oldster Magazine https://oldster.substack.com/p/a-twofer-to-enjoy-with-your-thanksgiving. The article that caught my attention was “We Don’t Talk Enough About Dementia Grief”. https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/health/a62628482/how-to-cope-dementia-grief/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email The article, by Kate Sandoval Box, was recently written for Oprah and speaks of her personal experiences as her family copes with her mom having dementia and the on-going big and little griefs that don’t get talked about. Knowing and naming one’s emotions most certainly would be helpful, so says Allison J. Applebaum, PhD, clinical psychologist and author in her book, Stand By Me: A Guide to Navigating Modern, Meaningful Caregiving:
When you feel that lump in your throat, get it out, label it, talk about it, write about it - express it somehow.
I am simultaneously overwhelmed and thoroughly excited about how much there is to learn and understand about our human experience in the world around us. I am glad you are here to cavort and explore with me. You have my heartfelt gratitude.
Remain curious. Be Kind. As Always, With Love.